Thread: How common is it that we still as adults act according to unresolved childhood insecurities?

How common is it you think?
How someone as a child felt undeserving of happiness so he/she kept
sabotaging (unknowingly) their lives and relationships.
Since I was a child I felt like a looser and that was encouraged by a long time emotionally abusive boyfriend and so on.
Any thoughts?

Very common. Doesnt mean you cant get past it though.

I think it's common, and many may not even realize they are doing so.

it controls about 95% of our adult behavior.
Consciously or subconsciously

Not to mention following the patterns of our parents. It's super common. The patterns will continue until YOU break out of it. It sounds like you are very conscious and aware of what is happening in your life and how your childhood issues affects your relationships today. You have no idea how far ahead you are of most people who don't understand the root of their troubles. Keep digging and working on it (with a therapist if you haven't been already) and you will break free of the pattern and be so much happier for it. Good luck!

its pretty common and my thought is that almost everyone subconsciously uses that as motivation

It is very common. It is hard work to forgive the past and forge ahead, but totally worth it.

i think very common. i too am struggling with issues surrounding this and am currently having therapy to help me understand it all due to two failed relationships and still to this day believe that i go for the wrong men knowing subconsciously that they are no good for me cos of the type of people they are, yet carry on with it, basically flogging a dead horse as i have this deep rooted issue that i am undeserving of happiness and so sabotage what potentially could be a very fulfilling life. i still am unsure as to where this mindset comes from, i am from a good home and background. but, my father even though he lived with us and my mum and dad are still happily married was not much of a family man and looking back i never really had a great relationship with my dad and wonder is that why i go for the type of men i do...sorry if i havent been of much help to you as im still on my own journey through this but i can assure you, u are not alone.

In my opinion, ALOT of people's actions are still motivated (even unconsciously) by unresolved issues from their childhood. I believe alot of women suffer from low self-esteem which makes them often go after the wrong men in r'ships because secretly they don't think they deserve the kind of man who will treat them like a queen. I'm like that to some extent....I mean, I always picked wonderful men who treated me great but I do have low self-esteem. When my husband came along, he treated me so incredibly that it was hard for me to take in....I couldn't believe (and still can't) that I deserved a man of his caliber. Perhaps after we've been married 50 years, I'll finally believe it!! Of course he says the same of me though too.

I hope that young women who sabotage their r'ships & constantly pick bad guys will see their pattern and GET HELP to understand WHY they do this - why they are so naturally drawn to guys who don't treat them well.

I think it's very common. If you have the courage to face these insecurities and grow, life is much, much better! Many people refuse to look within and it's really one of the most important things we can do.