of loss. During this process of grieving certain events may take place. It is normal to experience a variety of emotional responses which include, shock, or disbelief, anger or depression, guilt, and finally acceptance. You may discover that your feelings are very uncomfortable. Unless you realize that these feelings are normal and similar to the feelings that nearly most grieving persons experience. Those who can ac¬ knowledge their grief and learn healthily ways to express their pain can than free their emotional energy to focus on life and the challenges ahead. It is important to understand that people experience these emotions in a roller-coaster fashion . Sometimes feeling up and hopeful, other days feel¬ ing deeply depressed, other days coasting along and feeling virtually no emotion. All of these emotions are a normal part of the grieving process. Shock or disbelief may come first. Many people have a very difficult time recognizing the loss in their lives. Many efforts are made to push the feelings out of their mind. This is normal because the thought of the loss is too overwhelming for them to handle. However, this disbelief or shock will diminish as you begin to express and share your feelings about your loss with others. Following feelings of shock or disbelief, you gradually be¬ gin to realize that the loss is real. Then you begin to ex¬ perience deeper and deeper implications of the loss. Anger or depression usually follows. This is a frequent response to a perception of injustice or powerlessness. During this phase the most common question asked is “Why me”, A signifi¬ cant loss can threaten a person’s basic belief about them¬ selves or about life in general. You find yourself question¬ ing how a merciful and loving God could have allowed this loss to occur. Most of the time your faith in yourself, in others, in God can deepen though this grief. It is necessary to seek out persons who can serve as symbols of hope for you. The next phase may be Guilt, real or imagined. It may may surface in thoughts or feelings of “If only”. You may feel more guilty forever having the feeling of anger. You may find yourself feeling guilty for things you did or didn’t do prior to the loss. In order to resolve this guilt, learn to express and share your feelings and learn to forgive yourself. Acceptance, the last phase of the grieving process. Acceptance does not mean happiness. Instead it means you accept and deal with the reality of the situation. Coping with this phase means recognizing and claiming what you need and allowing yourself the time and space for the adjustment. You will know what you need and allowing yourself the time and space for the adjustment. You will know when you are approaching this acceptance phase when you begin to accept the realities of your life and enjoy some of its tribulations. There are two rules to the grieving process. The first is that grief must be allowed to happen. It is a normal process in order for a person to deal with a loss. The sec¬ ond is that grief cannot be rushed. It sometimes takes longer than one wishes and trying to shorten the process will lead to complications and longer pain. The power of chaos in a major life change or loss can feel overpowering. If you allow yourself to recognize the normal human responses you are feeling, and to claim the time and space you need. You will feel less helpless. Many of us have never learned to look at ourselves especially when other people do not understand. “But at this time, it is important that you learn to ride the waves of your own experience. That is how you will arrive at the shore of life happiness again.”
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