Thread: What qualities does one need to cultivate in order to feel comfortable when others embarrass them and when oth?

b patient and realize that nobody is perfect. u do not get these qualities overnight . try meditating, it will reduce ur anger and keep u calm.

others judge them because of there family or others they have in their life.

I want to stop shunning others and be open but I know there is this part of me that does not have something that would help me do this. What is it, courage, self-esteem, what? And how does one get this qualities or the qualities that you believe are the ones needed?

Thank you.

i am not sure i understand what you mean or what you are asking... are you shunning people because you fear they will embarrass and judge you, based on your family and back ground? What do you feel embarrassed about?

I am still working on it myself. You have to have the chances to take the right step, or the wrong step. If you want to take the right step, take it each time it comes. Sure you will fail from time to time, but hopefully over time it will stick.

It's more a matter of other things becoming more important than developing certain particular qualities. Priorities are everything.

Okay, I'm not an expert in this subject but at times I was able to get close to various individuals. Here are some things I worked on:

1. Self esteem and self confidence: If you know who you are, know your strengths and weaknesses, know that you look good no matter how many flaws that you have...if you know these things it will be hard for someone else's personal attacks to destroy you.

2. Do research to find out what others talk about for pleasure, in discussions or the issues that different people face that will allow you to connect with them. Examples: politics, religion, sports, race, gender, marriage, relationships, etc.

3. Common interests such as bowling, sports, fashion, reading similar books, watching similar movies / television shows, sewing, helping people, volunteering, etc.

4. Sharing the same religious beliefs

5. Sharing the same culture or traditions

6. Looking up common questions to ask people that will get them to talk to you, hold their interest, make them feel comfortable or keep away those awkward silences. You might want to find questions that push the person to give more than a one word answer or a yes or no response.

7. You can talk to someone who enjoys visiting the same places that you do such as museums, jogging in the park, sports arenas, the sets of television shows, book signings, movie theaters, shopping malls, music theaters, etc.

8. Find someone who's interested in the same type of career, job or lifestyle that you're interested in, that you desire or that you're searching for.

How do you get these qualities? Well, here are some ways that I got some of them or ways that people I've known have gotten some of them:

1. Writing down things that you want to say and do and then trying to do at least one of them either each day or within one week. You will feel great each time you accomplish something on the list and by the time that you are done, you'll find that your personality will change and you'll be more open. For instance: A. Challenging yourself to approach one person and ask some sort of question. Not a hard question, just something that allows you to feel comfortable talking to and approaching others. B. Helping someone that you don't know in any way that you can. C. Giving someone that you don't know a compliment of some sort whether about their appearance or something that they are doing. You might not want to do it to a guy, because he might think that you are subtly asking for a date.

2. Asking for encouragement from a family member, relative or friend.

3. Going up to a mirror in the morning and saying positive things about yourself in order that you will feel better about the day and look more pleasant and approachable to others.

4. Smile more...even if it's a bad day. Others will treat you much better because you will make them feel better too...or at least curious about why you're smiling for no apparent reason. I've gotten asked that. Also they will want to be around you.

Good luck!
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